I love philosophy so much so I adored this whole piece - exceptionally well done Celine! Very astute thoughts about sexuality and desire. I have been thinking a lot recently about epistemological transformations (I got diagnosed with a chronic illness a few years ago and it has radically transformed my life in a way I couldn’t access if I didn’t get sick!) it’s really interesting. Ps those perfume bottles are to die for. X
Another absolute banger. Your perspectives always hit at something I've been deeply irritable about, but am too scared to express (love for sf, value of experience over labels). Thank you for always carrying the convo forward in such a meaningful way <3
another banger! I'm straight (for the most part, or maybe for now? who knows!) but have relationship & sex ocd and I'm literally always thinking about these ideas (for better or for worse 🙃). really appreciated what you said about the complicated notion of sexuality being "unchanging" as this is something that often PLAGUES me to no end and I loved that bit on the inherent impossibility of knowing one's true self and true desires. I guess there is a certain beauty in that ignorance and it doesn't have to be this moralistic journey. thanks for this! your writing is always a breath of fresh air. <3
As always, an interesting read C. I enjoy stories about people taking a leap and you are able to share your authentic experience while also holding it up to the light. I have that issue of The Atlantic and haven’t opened it yet— flipping straight to your piece when I do. Kudos! And jinx: I also wrote about Paul’s book on my Stack yesterday, though salad dressing (not transformative)is as personal as I delved.
Funny (and irritating to me that I may just be a cliche, 'garden-variety') how close this is to my experience: "To me, it felt like I had been straight for most of my life, and then one night I took an empathogen at a party, and I realized that the friend I was with was extremely hot." This, too!! "Like revealing that their ostensibly liberal parents are totally OK with gay people if the gays are somewhere else, not in your family."
That "Am I a lesbian?" doc honestly gave me a lot of grief in COVID, particularly the totalising concept of comphet. Yes, there are so many oppressive aspects to not realising you're queer and not having language for it, but there is also genuine epistemological ignorance of our experience, desires, and others' experience. And while ignorance and oppression work together I don't think its fair to lump genuine ignorance into the cosmic forces of patriarchal oppression because at that point we destroy any hope of learning about eachother.
Also it just feels literally impossible to negate a lot of the subjective experiences in that doc. Some amount of discomfort, doubt, selfishness, even aversion is occasional in a healthy relationship, IMO these are issues that arise from negotiating togetherness vs individuality.
I've always thought as bisexuality as an epistemological notion but never put it in words like this before. My simplest explanation to other people usually is, "Well if you date 99 men and then the 100th is a woman, who you stay with for the rest of your life, then what are you?". And the point of this question is not to answer or solve it with A) straight B) lesbian C) bisexual D) something else, but more to point at the invalidity of the question in general. When you ask this question you are also forced to ask, well OK, what's the point/function of saying you're A, B, C, etcetera? From there it comes down to legibility, and what you want other people to know (or more accurately believe) about you.
There was a time when telling people I was queer was about making my suffering of the queer flavour legible, because I didn't feel safe or secure in this part of my identity, and I wanted subconsciously to test for signals that someone was sensitive to this. These days (because I date a man) I'm mostly queer to myself, or as a matter of fact in plain acknowledgement of the wholeness and mystery of my experience, but I'm way less bothered about being valid as bisexual or not. If people don't accept or understand this, then whatever, fair enough, I choose the discomfort of being not wholly understood over the discomfort of having to explain myself.
I always come back to Gertrude Stein's, "No [I'm not a lesbian], I just like Alice." Because I've also felt about my bf the same way I've felt about the first woman I liked: I found most other men pretty off putting or uninteresting, then I met him, but that feels more like a departure from liking other men on first blush and being childishly put off by the time we get to know each other as human beings, and being ready to love.
I love philosophy so much so I adored this whole piece - exceptionally well done Celine! Very astute thoughts about sexuality and desire. I have been thinking a lot recently about epistemological transformations (I got diagnosed with a chronic illness a few years ago and it has radically transformed my life in a way I couldn’t access if I didn’t get sick!) it’s really interesting. Ps those perfume bottles are to die for. X
This piece just gave me so much I didn’t know I needed! Thank you (signed, a philosophy minor)
Another absolute banger. Your perspectives always hit at something I've been deeply irritable about, but am too scared to express (love for sf, value of experience over labels). Thank you for always carrying the convo forward in such a meaningful way <3
another banger! I'm straight (for the most part, or maybe for now? who knows!) but have relationship & sex ocd and I'm literally always thinking about these ideas (for better or for worse 🙃). really appreciated what you said about the complicated notion of sexuality being "unchanging" as this is something that often PLAGUES me to no end and I loved that bit on the inherent impossibility of knowing one's true self and true desires. I guess there is a certain beauty in that ignorance and it doesn't have to be this moralistic journey. thanks for this! your writing is always a breath of fresh air. <3
celine! you never cease to astound! love the clarity of thought here and honesty among what is a thorny and confusing experience ❤️
As always, an interesting read C. I enjoy stories about people taking a leap and you are able to share your authentic experience while also holding it up to the light. I have that issue of The Atlantic and haven’t opened it yet— flipping straight to your piece when I do. Kudos! And jinx: I also wrote about Paul’s book on my Stack yesterday, though salad dressing (not transformative)is as personal as I delved.
Funny (and irritating to me that I may just be a cliche, 'garden-variety') how close this is to my experience: "To me, it felt like I had been straight for most of my life, and then one night I took an empathogen at a party, and I realized that the friend I was with was extremely hot." This, too!! "Like revealing that their ostensibly liberal parents are totally OK with gay people if the gays are somewhere else, not in your family."
That "Am I a lesbian?" doc honestly gave me a lot of grief in COVID, particularly the totalising concept of comphet. Yes, there are so many oppressive aspects to not realising you're queer and not having language for it, but there is also genuine epistemological ignorance of our experience, desires, and others' experience. And while ignorance and oppression work together I don't think its fair to lump genuine ignorance into the cosmic forces of patriarchal oppression because at that point we destroy any hope of learning about eachother.
Also it just feels literally impossible to negate a lot of the subjective experiences in that doc. Some amount of discomfort, doubt, selfishness, even aversion is occasional in a healthy relationship, IMO these are issues that arise from negotiating togetherness vs individuality.
I've always thought as bisexuality as an epistemological notion but never put it in words like this before. My simplest explanation to other people usually is, "Well if you date 99 men and then the 100th is a woman, who you stay with for the rest of your life, then what are you?". And the point of this question is not to answer or solve it with A) straight B) lesbian C) bisexual D) something else, but more to point at the invalidity of the question in general. When you ask this question you are also forced to ask, well OK, what's the point/function of saying you're A, B, C, etcetera? From there it comes down to legibility, and what you want other people to know (or more accurately believe) about you.
There was a time when telling people I was queer was about making my suffering of the queer flavour legible, because I didn't feel safe or secure in this part of my identity, and I wanted subconsciously to test for signals that someone was sensitive to this. These days (because I date a man) I'm mostly queer to myself, or as a matter of fact in plain acknowledgement of the wholeness and mystery of my experience, but I'm way less bothered about being valid as bisexual or not. If people don't accept or understand this, then whatever, fair enough, I choose the discomfort of being not wholly understood over the discomfort of having to explain myself.
I always come back to Gertrude Stein's, "No [I'm not a lesbian], I just like Alice." Because I've also felt about my bf the same way I've felt about the first woman I liked: I found most other men pretty off putting or uninteresting, then I met him, but that feels more like a departure from liking other men on first blush and being childishly put off by the time we get to know each other as human beings, and being ready to love.
A fascinating read, thank you so much for sharing. I feel like I need to reread it a few mores times to really soak it all in. ❤️